Is this government agency a joke or a cruel government social program? I can't believe the latest ass clownery with these guys. The security screening manual is leaked out and now everything you want to know about beating that screening is available on the web.
I just want to know why I have to wear flip flops, board shorts, a t-shirt and all have all my shit in zip lock bags or 3.5 oz. containers if I want to make it through the screening line in less than ten minutes. And, is the attitude from these paste eating, window licking assholes really necessary? I understand that they have a job to do, but how about a damn smile every once in a while? If you hate your job, then find another one or set yourself on fire... I don't care which you do, just stop being an ass.
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I would like to propose that the TSA revise their rules.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I say everyone gets a hospital gown and flip flops. These open in the rear, which is great if you get behind a line of sorority chicks, or if you ate at the airport.
Second, to conserve seating, small women will need to share a seat with a man. For maximum comfort, the woman should be seated facing the man, straddling his lap.
In addition, when a couple is seated together, they should be offered a free alcoholic drink to reduce their discomfort.
The drink will depend on the woman's ethnic and geographic origin.
For instance, an Asian in your lap means you both get Saki. A white girl from Kentucky would be served Jack Daniels. A German chick would earn you both a stein of your favorite German brew, and for a black chick from lower Houston, you'd be offered 40oz of the malt liquor of your choice.
French chicks would not be offered any alcohol -- because nobody wants fucking wine -- but would simply be passed around from lap to lap for the duration of the flight.
Sorority girls and identical twins ride for free.
I forgot what I was writing about... damn that'd be a nice flight! I'd pray for fucking TURBULENCE!
- Saul