So, um, what's in your Zombie Preparedness kit?
I have a machete, a case of beer, some beef jerky, running shoes with blue sole inserts, extra underwear, and about 25' of nylon rope.
I figure I can cut off their heads with the machete (no need to worry about bullets!), drink a beer, keep my strength with the jerky, outrun them with the shoes, keep the extra undies in case I shit my pants, and use the rope to tie up one of the girl zombies for when I get lonely.
- Saul
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Machete? I'm carrying a well made katana or one of those super-geek $5,000 swords made from the tip of a jack hammer that you can buy at a renaissance festival (They are guaranteed to cut a man from neck to groin. Someone really told me that. I know...I was thinking the same thing...it would have sounded cooler to say "zombie" in place of "man". We'ere on the same page. wink-wink).
ReplyDelete-A pair of Red Wing Durashock steel toe work boots for kicking in undead teeth.
-A 5 gallon landscaping backpack spray bottle full of gasoline with a slow burning wick at the end (Not yet field tested but it sounds like fun).
-A flare gun. The gift that keeps on giving. Burn magnesium burn.
-Indiana Jones bullwhip for swinging across.......well, stuff. Laugh if you want, but when you're backed against a gaping chasm by hundreds of brain sucking zombies. Who'll be laughing then... Ha ha...Me...from the other side of the chasm...with my whip.
-Almost anything from the garden tool isle at the Home Depot. First place I would look for all the medieval weaponry.
-A case of Vienna sausage. In the last line of defense a well placed 90 mph split-finger fastcan is as deadly as any bullet. And it's damn tasty too!
-A Walkman cassette player with a Huey Lewis and the News tape. Nothing pisses me off and gets me in the mood to kill zombies more than Huey Lewis and the News! Makes me want to go looking for a zombie just thinking about it. "It's hip to be square..." SHUT UP!!!
-Lastly, my Uncle Henry pocket knife for some relaxing whittling time when I've killed all the zombies.
-Army of One
Holy fuck that's hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI think everybody forgot the treadmill. You gotta stay up on your cardio. How are you going to survive the Zombies, if you get winded after thirty or forty swings of that fancy old katana?
Another important items is the camelback. Yeah, it looks retarded on you, but you have to stay hydrated and it's convenient.
Finally, a Barret .50 caliber sniper rifle. It's heavy as fuck, but nothing will help the time go by as your picking off zombies from 1-2k away and they're like "mmmmeaaah ssssddhfffff dddddskkkkk sshhhhhhhbbbbbbfeeees" Zombie translation- "holy shit, Tom's head just fuckin' disintegrated!"