Mixed Cliches

Mixing Cliches...

"Why buy the milk, when you can whip a dead horse."

"If I had a nickel for every time someone gave me their two cents."

"Love thy neighbor is all about location, location, location."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. But remember that doing the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity."

"He bent over backwards, and got caught with his pants down."

"She chewed the fat, then blew chunks."

"You can't put your best foot forward if you put your foot in your mouth."

"If you can't make heads or tails of it, you might make an arse of yourself."

"One good turn deserves another. Unless you're on the Highway to Hell."

"Make a break for it, keep your eyes open, say your prayers, and run like a cat on a hot tin roof."

"I changed horses in mid-stream, and wound up whipping a dead horse."

"If love is blind, how can beauty be in the eye of the beholder?"

"If you want to test the waters, take a long walk off a short pier. Or, better yet, go jump off a bridge."

"If the monkeys are running the zoo, does that mean the 800 pound gorilla is in charge?"

"A kick in the butt is worth two in the bush."

"I put the horse before the cart, and traveled back in time."

"Looking out from the bowels of the Earth, it was bright as a full moon."

"I put on my monkey suit, and practiced the laws of the jungle."

"If I had a nickel for every time someone gave me their two cents..."

"Let's get down & dirty," she said.

So I threw mud in her eye.

"Live and learn, or die trying."

"He had an axe to grind in his pants."

"Oil is thicker than blood."

"Don't have a cow. Let them eat cake."

"Like trying to hit paydirt in a bottomless pit."

"I made a mountain out of a mole hill. Then I climbed it because it was there."

"The heartless wench loved him from the bottom of her cold, dead heart."

"Wake up and smell the roses."

"Don 't make me open up a can of worms on your ass!"

"Don't look a dead horse in the mouth."

"Keep your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds."

"It's always darkest before the calm before the storm."

"She crossed my mind on her way to my heart."

"That dude has more loose screws than you can shake a stick at."

"It's on the tip of my forked tongue."

"It never hurts to try again."

"One bad monkey in the barrel spoils the whole bunch."

"She's penny wise, and pound foolish. So I gave her a penny for her thoughts."

"Gimme a hand that feeds me."

"He was blind as a bat out of hell."

"Now what would happen if you wore a bleeding heart on your sleeve?"

"When the sh.t hits the fan, make lemonade."

"Honesty is the best policy, the truth hurts, and pain is gain. Ergo, honest people are larger."

"The early worm gets eaten. Only the lazy worms survive."

"My heart sank and left my head swimming."

"I got ears like an eagle." (that's a ripoff from a movie saw a long, long time ago)

"Kill em all with kindness, and let God sort em out."

"I wonder if Cupid is blind in one eye, and can't see out the other? Get it? Love is blind. Okay, this one's stupid."

"Let sleeping dogs lie. They're dog tired."

"He's faster than a sweating bullet."

"Don't put all your eggs on your face."

"While he was sh.tting in the woods, the bear saw a drunk skunk, an eager beaver, a sly fox, and, shockingly, a holy cow."


"She had a bee in her bonnet
and ants in her pants."

"I wonder if, when he's in the woods, a bear knows sh.t from shinola."

"Every time things come up roses, I realize every rose has its thorns."

"History repeats itself because hindsight is 20/20."

"He was on-the-ball, but he was thinking with the wrong head."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman with her biological clock ticking."

...


I was on Route 666, the Highway to Hell, when I came to a fork in the road. I stepped out of my hand basket and checked the fork to my right.

That was the road less traveled.

To my left stretched a straight, well-worn path, paved with good intentions.

I climbed back in my hand basket and took the road less-traveled.

It didn't matter, though, because all roads lead to Rome.

...

- Saul