I hate people...I mean I hate stupid fucking people. If a banker becomes the CFO of a successful company and starts making really fucking stupid changes that causes all sorts of issues to a perfectly profitable fucking company and cause headaches to the employees at all fucking levels and he is fucking stupid enough to ask you where you think he gets his financial knowledge from...what the fuck does he expect me to say?!?
-Professional Answer: "From your Ivy League education and years of working for and running financial institutions."
-Army of Ones Answer: "You wake up at 2:17a.m. every morning to saddle the neighbors dog and fly to a secret island in the middle of an enchanted lake to get your financial advice from a magical musk rat named Francois."
He should have seen that one coming. Bankers...they should all be in jail.
-Army of One
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Grosser than gross...
Chancroid...google image it.
Necrotizing fasciitis...google image it.
Know what I'm looking forward to? That nasty, fat bitch that comes in with a perianal cyst that I'm going to have to excise. Awesome. I hate dirty fucks that don't know how to take a bath. Yeck.
Necrotizing fasciitis...google image it.
Know what I'm looking forward to? That nasty, fat bitch that comes in with a perianal cyst that I'm going to have to excise. Awesome. I hate dirty fucks that don't know how to take a bath. Yeck.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Being Dangerous When You Get Older
Things change the older you get. Like running a yellow light sends shivers up your thirty-something spine while you check all three mirrors for flashing lights.....pussy. Standing up to your boss with 100% validation and then worrying all night about whether you will be able to go back to work the next day....pussy. Caring how you spell the words in texts and emails....p-u-s-s-y.
What happened to living like a rogue and not worrying about the future. Why didn't I name my cat "Coon"? It's funny and a great name for a cat....pussy. Why do I decline shots at the bar instead of welcoming the cold embrace of the porcelain gods as I kneel to say my late night prayers through the furry yellowish-white ring of salvation?....pussy. What the fuck happened to saying fuck in front of any motherfucker in the fucking room and the only fucking time you fucking say fuck is through a stupid fucking keyboard....fucking pussy. Why am I still wearing the same shoes and blue jeans I owned 5 years ago???....pussy. Why do I think watching Ghost Whisperer is the same as going to a titty bar?....pussy. When did going bed early become a priority?....pussy. Good night fellow pussies.
-Army of One
What happened to living like a rogue and not worrying about the future. Why didn't I name my cat "Coon"? It's funny and a great name for a cat....pussy. Why do I decline shots at the bar instead of welcoming the cold embrace of the porcelain gods as I kneel to say my late night prayers through the furry yellowish-white ring of salvation?....pussy. What the fuck happened to saying fuck in front of any motherfucker in the fucking room and the only fucking time you fucking say fuck is through a stupid fucking keyboard....fucking pussy. Why am I still wearing the same shoes and blue jeans I owned 5 years ago???....pussy. Why do I think watching Ghost Whisperer is the same as going to a titty bar?....pussy. When did going bed early become a priority?....pussy. Good night fellow pussies.
-Army of One
Friday, May 7, 2010
Tools
You ever try prying open a crate with a banana? How about hammering a nail with a screwdriver? No? Well, for the last year, that's what I've been given. Anecdotally, anyway.
I've been given the banana....to pry open a crate. I'm still being given the banana, too. *** NEWS FLASH *** It fucking sucks!
I'm leaving my current job in less than 60 days and I feel like a complete failure. I've left nothing enduring behind that will leave the next person who assumes this position an easier job at handling the workload. Why, you ask? Because I've never been given the right tools. Because I've been under-resourced and overworked. Because I've been given a banana to pry open a crate.
It's what we do in our line of business and it's why thousands leave in the droves. It's sad, really. Because I belong to an organization that has kicked ass and taken names for the last 200 plus years. We take the objective by force and relentlessly close with, engage, and destroy the enemy by overwhelming fire, maneuver and effects. Unfortunately, the guys in the big comfy chairs at the top sit and pontificate and rally behind their GFIs (good fucking ideas) and press it on overwhelmed sub-organizations.
The only thing that keeps us motivated is good leadership at the sub-organization level. It means late hours, late phone calls, driving to the office to take care of someone and weeding through the bullshit to make mission.
I'm tapped, guys. School can't come quick enough.
I've been given the banana....to pry open a crate. I'm still being given the banana, too. *** NEWS FLASH *** It fucking sucks!
I'm leaving my current job in less than 60 days and I feel like a complete failure. I've left nothing enduring behind that will leave the next person who assumes this position an easier job at handling the workload. Why, you ask? Because I've never been given the right tools. Because I've been under-resourced and overworked. Because I've been given a banana to pry open a crate.
It's what we do in our line of business and it's why thousands leave in the droves. It's sad, really. Because I belong to an organization that has kicked ass and taken names for the last 200 plus years. We take the objective by force and relentlessly close with, engage, and destroy the enemy by overwhelming fire, maneuver and effects. Unfortunately, the guys in the big comfy chairs at the top sit and pontificate and rally behind their GFIs (good fucking ideas) and press it on overwhelmed sub-organizations.
The only thing that keeps us motivated is good leadership at the sub-organization level. It means late hours, late phone calls, driving to the office to take care of someone and weeding through the bullshit to make mission.
I'm tapped, guys. School can't come quick enough.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Things that sound dirty, but aren't
Boiling my nipples.
Adding some RAM to my motherboard.
Plug-n-Play.
Backdoor Trojans. (Army of One came up with this one, props)
Come again.
Over-Under.
Rear-ending.
The names Jack, Dick, Gay, and Lester.
Rubber nipples.
Petting my Chihuahua.
Anything described as Cream-Filled.
Adding some RAM to my motherboard.
Plug-n-Play.
Backdoor Trojans. (Army of One came up with this one, props)
Come again.
Over-Under.
Rear-ending.
The names Jack, Dick, Gay, and Lester.
Rubber nipples.
Petting my Chihuahua.
Anything described as Cream-Filled.
Friday, March 26, 2010
JERK OFF DEMON
THEY SAY EVERYBODY HAS A GAURDIAN ANGEL BUT WHAT ABOUT A DEMONIC INFLUENCE. EACH DAY I WAKE UP AND JERK OFF BEFORE I GET READY FOR WORK. RIGHT AS I FINISH UP A SERIES OF WOMEN RUNS THROUGH MY MIND AND AS I ... WELL YOU KNOW I ALWAYS SAY, "I HOPE YOU GET CANCER!"
THE WORDS COME OUT IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT ACCENTS FROM MIDDLE EASTERN TO ORIENTAL BUT ALL WITHIN THE SAME EPISODE OF JERKING OFF. SOMETIMES I SING IT BUT ALWAYS WITH AN ACCENT. WHEN ITS OVER THERE IS A ROSCOE FROM DUKES OF HAZARD LAUGH FOLLOWED BY AN EVIL WUUUHAHAHAH.... IM PRETYY SURE EVERYBODY DOES THIS TO GET THE DAY STARTED. DEMONIC INFLUENCE OR JUST AWESOME?
THE WORDS COME OUT IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT ACCENTS FROM MIDDLE EASTERN TO ORIENTAL BUT ALL WITHIN THE SAME EPISODE OF JERKING OFF. SOMETIMES I SING IT BUT ALWAYS WITH AN ACCENT. WHEN ITS OVER THERE IS A ROSCOE FROM DUKES OF HAZARD LAUGH FOLLOWED BY AN EVIL WUUUHAHAHAH.... IM PRETYY SURE EVERYBODY DOES THIS TO GET THE DAY STARTED. DEMONIC INFLUENCE OR JUST AWESOME?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Post
Here's my post: Today, in the gym, I was changing and there was this fat-ass old guy with his distorted ass on the locker room bench, naked. That's it. Draw you own conclusion.
- Saul
- Saul
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